I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we made out on top of his cat.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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