he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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