Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
