you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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