Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
