I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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