If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
