I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
