Already got asked if we're dating
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
