Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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