Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You pole danced in your parka.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
