Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize