You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'd cum for enchiladas.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
