my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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