haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
