So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
