Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
