I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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