I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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