i think my tv is drunk
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
