considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
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you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Shame is for Republicans.
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