I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
