If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
