i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
NoShamevember. You game?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
