but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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