You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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