i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize