Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
