youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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