ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
