If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
