I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
