sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
