What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
