AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
