She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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