So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
