I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
