You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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