Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
