You're so nebulous sometimes
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
