Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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