just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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