I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
