We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
