I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
