Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
