When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
