We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
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I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize