a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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