Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
