I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
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Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
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In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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