so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
