would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you had me at cake vodka
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
