Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
