just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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