College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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