omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
