did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
