so explain again why im purple
no
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
