I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
