all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
