Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
