i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
