My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
