Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
