The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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