He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
