PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
