my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
