my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
