my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
