Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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