I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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