that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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