I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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