Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
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He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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