Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
